Getting to This

My friend Carolina sent me an interview with Pope Francis discussing marriage. Much of it struck me, but in particular this quote:

“And this is it, getting to this: making each other grow together, the one for the other. And the children will have this heritage to have had a father and a mother who grew up together, becoming – through one another – more man and more woman!”

The reason it struck me is that my relationship with Tim has been such an opportunity to grow in holiness, for us to grow together, and our children will certainly have that heritage. My friend, Derek, recently wrote a really great post on humility. It’s something I struggle with as well, and I was so certain before meeting Tim that I was mature and ready for a profound relationship, that being in a relationship centered around Christ, so long as the man I was with was the right man, would just be intuitive to me. Maybe the occasional struggle and strife, but they’d be so little they wouldn’t really matter, right? If you’re with the love of your life, nothing can rock the boat certainly. Needless to say, I was offered a little (or one could say rather large) slice of humble pie, as Derek would say. It has been so much harder…and so much better than I ever thought it would be. Learning to communicate with someone in a way that expresses things that might be hard for you to express and that takes first and foremost the other into account has been so much more of a struggle for me than I ever thought it would be. I’ve always been good at communicating, so pridefully I assumed I’d be just awesome at communicating with someone I loved deeply. Again, humble pie. I’m so grateful to you, Sweet Creator, for this opportunity to grow with Tim. Thanks for the humble pie.

I’m slowly learning that communicating isn’t just about listening and being able to put things into a nice little word package. It’s about letting yourself be vulnerable, coming to understand that someone’s else’s heart can be as fragile as yours, discovering that understanding is more important than being understood.

I don’t remember the exact moment when it struck me that my parents are just like me, but I remember it quite revolutionized my thinking. I realized that they’re still growing and searching and that they probably feel a whole like they did when they were 25. The reality of my relationship with Tim is reminding of this fact. We’re helping each other grow now and that isn’t going to stop once we start having gray hair (or no hair in the case of Tim) and a gaggle of children and a house and goats and probably even when we have grand-kids. We’ll still feel lost sometimes; we’ll still be learning patience and humility, and we’ll probably still feel a whole lot like we do right now – excited and joyful and maybe a little scared sometimes. Papa Francis is just so right – what a gift to be able to pass on to your children that you grew up together, that you learned what it means to be a woman and a man of God from one another, through the struggles and the beauty! What a gift to be able to say to your children that your husband helps make you more of a woman every day.

I am so filled with joy to have the opportunity to become more of a woman and more of the woman God calls me to be through the lovely vocation of marriage and through God’s beautiful instrument, Tim. May He lead us to holiness through one another and through His Son!

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